"I believe that he lost the right to see her in her pain when he was the one who caused her immeasurable pain."
Divorce is not easy, especially for the children involved. They are often forced to choose sides and this affects them for the rest of their lives. Recently, u/iamabadassbitch shared his story with fellow Redditors on the subreddit thread Am I The Asshole, where he wanted to know if he had done the right thing for not wanting his father to visit his dying mother at the hospital. He wrote: I'm a 25-year-old guy and my parents were in the process of divorcing when my mother got diagnosed with a terminal illness. After the diagnosis, my father stalled the divorce proceedings. My father filed for divorce after 26 years of marriage after he fell in love with his younger business partner [she was already pregnant].
She recently gave birth to his child. My mother was a stay at home mom for 25 years who took care of the entire household while my father worked long hours. This is the reason why his mom couldn't digest the news about him wanting to divorce her. She was blindsided when my father told her about wanting a divorce. He told her that he would always love her as his best friend and as the mother of his 5 children, but he was also in love with this other woman. She was devastated and had stopped eating properly as well.
However, in the middle of all this, she fell sick and was diagnosed with a terminal illness. All this time, we, her children have looked after her. I took her to her appointments and we paid for the treatment by taking loans. We didn't ask our father for money, even though he was willing to cover the expenses. Legally, at the time of her death, she was still married to my father. During her last days, my father had to move to another city to be there for his daughter's birth.
Apparently, he learned of his legal wife's condition through social media. My uncle made a facebook post asking for blood donation (she has a rare blood type) and stated that she was critical. When my dad got to know about it, he immediately flew down to our city. When he showed up at the hospital, he was in bad shape. His clothes were unkempt. He wanted to see my mother one last time. I told him that there was no use of that as she was unconscious.
The son did not think it was important that he see her. He begged and cried in front of everyone, I still didn't allow him to meet her. (The hospital authorities let her family decide who was allowed to visit her). My mother passed away the next morning. He still didn't leave and wanted to be there for the funeral and memorial service. We banned him from attending. I believe that he lost the right to see her in her pain when he was the one who caused her immeasurable pain. My buddy tells me that me and (my mother's family) are the assholes for not letting him see her one last time.
At no point did his mother ever express her need to see her husband. He explained: I was/am her legal representative. I had the legal right to deny visitors. My mother's entire family supported me in my decision to not let him see her. My grandma wanted the same. My siblings wanted the same. Even after his mother passed away, the father was not allowed to attend the funeral and memorial service as well because the son believed "that he lost the right to see her in her pain when he was the one who caused her immeasurable pain." Most people decided it was the right thing to do because the father, for what he did, does not deserve to meet her, even for one last time.