The intensity of the connection one perceives a relationship to have can often be mistaken as true love while, in fact, it could be a mistaken sign of emotional dependence.
God knows how much people want to be loved when they think that they have found The One. A lot of us wait for the opportunity to open the vaults of our hearts and pour all of our desire to loving the person that satisfies our fancy. However, this path of finding love can get a little slippery.
Relationships that only see one of the partners trying to change the other one or entail a gradual withdrawal from their original preferences and way of life can indicate a heartbreaking reality - it is emotional dependence and not true love. It is quite possible to get confused given the intensity of desire and the passion that is so 'out there'.
Here are 15 signs that you are emotionally dependent on your partner more than you are in love with them.
You find yourself feeling jealous when your partner is not with you, or if they are spending time with other people, you're just not able to ignore that feeling. Moreover, when you see your partner with other people, you don't trust other men/women around them. Your discomfort is stemming from your fear of losing them. If this is so, then you're likely to be more emotionally dependent on your partner than in love with them.
Another sign that can reveal your emotional dependence - if you have withdrawn from the social scene for wanting to spend more time with your partner. It could also be that they too no longer hang out with their own friends for a similar reason. You two are no longer indulging in the same hobbies as you used to before. This marks a change in things that used to be important to the both of you, but now it has been replaced by only each other.
This is a bit tough to acknowledge as well as identify since you might be doing this more subconsciously than consciously. Acts such as fishing for compliments and seeking constant reminder that your partner loves you might hint to the fact that you're unsure of their affection for you. If you keep feeling this need and feel empty without the overt expressions of love and affection, it is likely that what you have with your partner is not true love.
In general, you feel really good about yourself in the relationship often when your partner does what you want them to do. And when they refuse to heed your suggestions or demands, you feel really distraught and torn. You can't help but bring changes in how your partner acts or does things. You also keep having expectations for them to meet. And when they fail to meet them, you're unable to feel safe or at peace.
When you don't see your partner noticing things about you, or when they don't call to check in with you, you feel like you are not being valued enough. This type of pattern shows that you associate a lot of your self-worth to your partner's affection and expression of the same. In order to feel good about yourself, you sometimes make your partner say or do things that they are not comfortable with.
You may feel that your partner is lacking in some of the qualities and characteristics, and take it up as a responsibility to set them right. You feel that there is a difficulty that you are facing when you find them not matching the parameters you want in them. If it were to be true love, then you would be more happy to be with them just as they are. Moreover, it might be so probably because you are thinking that how your partner looks like to your friends and family means more than who they actually are inside.
This is a major sign of emotional dependence. If you tend to wait for your partner's call or regular updates on how their day is going, there's nothing wrong with it. But if you are invaded with intrusive anxiety when they fail to call you or text you at regular intervals, then it is likely that you are not really in love. You might also start having thoughts of suspicion that your partner is with someone else or they no longer feel that same kind of love for you anymore.
Certain preferences and things we like are more intimate and close to our personality. You may like a sports team or a religion or political opinions because it speaks to you on a personal level or reflects something that you inherently value. If you go on to make major changes in your personality thinking that your partner will appreciate you more for that, then it is likely that you are just emotionally dependent on them, and you want them to like you.
If you only tend to like the way your partner dresses or the way they are to everyone else around you, and not have much concern for who they are as a person, then it is likely to be less about love. This may indicate that you are more attracted to the sense of appearance and how social constructs approve you and your relationship. You might be deriving a sense of stability thinking that as long as you and your partner look good together, it's all going to be fine.
To most of the people, this might sound like intensely cute love and very admirable a thing for a romantic partner to feel. But if this is how you feel in reality, then it is an obvious sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you think that you're not going to be able to move on with your life when you broke up, then you're probably too obsessed with the idea of one relationship and fixated your world around that idea only.
If you're also noticing that you tend to neglect or totally cancel the plans that you'd have with your family and friends, just to spend time with your partner, it is another stark sign of emotional dependence. This type of pattern of unfair time balance is more common when you only prioritize your relationship above all else, and you expect them to do the same. Which is why you're prone to more burn out when your partner does not reciprocate the same kind of pattern.
This is a lot common than it seems, but not many admit to doing it as it might just shine the light of truth on them. Emotionally dependent partners tend to give in to the pressure from their partner to say or do things that they are not comfortable with, and you do so without putting up much fight or resistance. Not only does this affect the way you value yourself, but it also begins to eat away at your own individuality.
If you tend to put your partner up on a pedestal and associate qualities that are more than that they possess in reality, it is a sign that you'd like to be with a person of who has those imagined characteristics. A lot of the people who are emotionally dependent on their partners tend to feel that their partners are extraordinary beings who are too special and rare. And when they fail to live up to these idealizations, you're quick to fall apart from them.
When you think about your partner, you think of them in terms of the kind of the intensity their feelings have and not their identity. This is an unmistakable demarkation between emotional dependence and true love. Had it been true love, then you might be more fond of your partner's identity and their personality more than their feelings. Moreover, you end up getting more affected by the status of their feelings time and again.
This is another corollary of the behavior about boundaries and comfort that keep getting violated when partners are emotionally dependent on each other. You feel your partner should be able to step out of their comfort zone to do things that are necessary to make you feel good. You end up putting your partner on a spot to say or do things that they are not comfortable with.