Doherty has been having a hard time recording these videos or writing these goodbye letters as it "feels so final."
Shannen Doherty has been fighting a gruelling battle with breast cancer for years now. Unfortunately, her cancer has metastasized and the Beverly Hills, 90210 actress is planning on piecing together videos that her loved ones can remember her by. Doherty revealed that this is her way of bidding farewell, however, she has been having a hard time actually recording these videos or writing these goodbye letters as it "feels so final," according to Elle. The Charmed star, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015, shared that she is not yet ready to be put "out to pasture."
"I haven’t sat down to write letters. That’s something I need to do. There are things I need to say to my mom. I want my husband [Kurt Iswarienko] to know what he’s meant to me. But whenever it comes time for me to do it, it feels so final. It feels like you’re signing off, and I’m not signing off. I feel like I’m a very, very healthy human being. It’s hard to wrap up your affairs when you feel like you’re going to live another 10 or 15 years," the 49-year-old told the publication. Furthermore, she admitted to appreciating the small joys in life.
"I try to treasure all the small moments that most people don’t really see or take for granted. The small things are magnified for me. We have this endless well within us, and it’s just about continuing to dig in that well for the strength to face adversity—and so that we can also see all the beauty. It’s like anybody with Stage IV faces this sort of thing, where others want to put you out to pasture. I’m not ready for pasture. I’ve got a lot of life in me," she continued, adding that the disease had only brought her closer to her husband Iswarienko.
"Kurt and I look at each other with such profound respect now. He was my rock in every way possible, and he made sure I knew how much he loved and valued me. We have a much deeper appreciation [for each other] now, and a much larger capacity for forgiveness," the actress told PEOPLE. Like every marriage, the couple had their fair share of good times and "growing pains." At times, the pair would "lock horns," leading them to not speak for a few days instead of getting the matter resolved then and there, she confessed.
Things have changed now as they don't take each other for granted anymore. "We don't let a night go by mad at each other. The last time we had a big argument was pre-cancer," shared Doherty. The actress announced the relapse of her breast cancer earlier this year on Good Morning America. Doherty, who revealed in 2017 that her cancer was in remission, shared, "It's going to come out in a matter of days or a week that -- I'm stage four. So my cancer came back. And that's why I'm here. I don't think I've processed it. It's a bitter pill to swallow in a lot of ways."
Shannen Doherty continues to raise awareness as she shares her breast cancer journey https://t.co/PSLZkUMSQX— Patty Donna (@beautysatheaven) October 15, 2020
Speaking about her health development, she said, "I definitely have days where I say, 'Why me?' And then I go, well, 'Why not me? Who else? Who else besides me deserves this?' None of us do. I would say that my first reaction is always concern about how am I going to tell my mom, my husband." Doherty had been quietly battling cancer for more than a year but decided to share the news, saying, "I'd rather people hear it from me. I don't want it to be twisted. I don't want it to be a court document. I want it to be real and authentic," she said. "And I want to control the narrative. I want people to know from me, I just didn't want them to know yet."