You can learn a lot about the person you're dating by paying close attention to the way they still feel about their previous relationship.
It's hard to veer away from the topic of exes when you're dating someone and getting to know them better. Inevitably, the people the two of you were once with shaped the way you view relationships, your perception of love and what it involves. Whether they hurt you or made you happier than you've ever been, their story is an inevitable part of yours, and your discussions about your former lovers can reveal a lot about the kind of people you are.
Interestingly, the way we talk about our past the people who were a part of it can also reveal a lot about who we are as individuals. When your partner discusses their ex, there are a number of red flags to watch out for.
If your partner avoids talking about the reason behind the split or who dumped whom, it may raise a red flag. If your partner separated from their ex because of something serious like infidelity or abuse, then you have reason to be concerned about your relationship, and it's up to you to decide whether you want to risk going through that yourself. If your partner refuses to tell you about the reason for the breakup, they may have something to hide, and that's almost never a good thing.
A major red flag in the way your partner talks about their ex is if they keep comparing you to them and find issues with you that they claim they never found with their ex. Apart from the fact that it's obviously not something you want to hear, it also becomes apparent that they're clearly not over their ex. They may either have unresolved issues from the relationship or could possibly still be in love with their former lover and expect you to be the perfect replacement for them. It can be scary to realize that you're just the rebound.
The feelings your partner has about the breakup may still be dogging them, and they may still be bitter or hurt by the way things ended. If they haven't yet moved on from the anger or sadness at their breakup, the resentment and lack of closure can spill into your relationship and affect your dynamic. They need to come to terms with the end of their previous relationship to truly come to terms with the current one.
It takes a person of maturity to be able to look back at their relationship and understand the role they played in ending it. If your partner keeps blaming their ex for the end of their relationship and is under the delusion that they themselves were a wonderful partner through it all, it can indicate a lack of accountability in their behavior. And you can be sure that they will do the same thing to you if your relationship should end.
While there are some red flags to look out for when your partner talks about their ex, there are also a few green lights that indicate that your partner has moved on from their past in a healthy way.
A good sign to look for when the topic of past relationships comes up is when your partner avoids ranting about their ex and if they don't keep bringing up their faults and flaws. It can indicate that your partner isn't still hurting or resentful toward their former lover over the way they treated them, no matter how bad. They have dealt with the pain of their breakup with maturity and have moved past it, and that's good news for you.
When your partner discusses their split from their ex, it's important that they acknowledge the mistakes they made and the way they hurt their partner or contributed to the end of the relationship. Self-awareness and humility are important qualities that shine through when your partner takes responsibility for their own faults, and you can be sure you will enjoy these qualities in your own relationship.
Perhaps the most important quality conversations about exes can reveal is growth. You need to know that their previous relationship taught them something and helped them grow as a person. If your partner discusses the good things they learned from being with their ex that they can now enjoy with you, you know that you've landed someone who is willing to bring their best to the relationship.
One of the ways you can tell the kind of person your partner is in a relationship is if they are careful not to reveal intimate details from their previous relationship, like sensitive information and secrets their ex told them. You can tell that they are mature enough to respect their ex's privacy and that they can be trusted to keep your deepest secrets just as safe.