A woman thought she could get away with a quickie with her husband. Little did she know that her kids could hear everything.
Cover image used for representational purpose only
Although this quarantine period has granted us time to reconnect with our families, it has also made it very difficult for some people to catch a break, especially parents with young children. With the kids being around all the time, it's really tricky to spend private, intimate time with your partner. But you seize any opportunity you get and that exactly is what one mother did. Reddit user Hebetterloveme thought she had found the perfect opportunity to indulge in a quickie, but later found out that her kids had heard everything on the family's baby monitor! "My kids put the baby monitor in our bedroom. We had no idea. We had a quickie and they heard the entire thing. I had to retcon by doing yoga while moaning," shared the user.
Taking to Reddit's 'Today I F*cked Up' platform, the mother of two wrote: I have to work from home during this mess. I work from the dining room while my kids (6 and 4) play. I can see/hear them most of the day. Apparently, while I was engrossed in work today, they took the wireless baby monitor and put in our bedroom because they “wanted to watch the cat sleeping.” By some grace of God, the cat decided to sleep under the bed and not on it. Fast forward... I walk in the bedroom to blow dry my hair and my SO was getting ready to take a shower. One thing leads to another - we make sure the door is locked, make sure to keep the noise relatively down...
To her dismay, the kids were still occupied with the baby monitor. After all, the kids were occupied at the dining room table, but as it turns out, they were occupied at the table with the receiver from the baby monitor. As he jumped in the shower, I heard the door handle to the bedroom jiggle. I said I was getting changed. My six year old said, "We can hear you. Why are you saying ‘uhh uh uhhhh uh [SO’s name]’? We could hear it A LOT," continued the Reddit user. The dreaded moment had finally arrived and the mother decided to get creative with the reason. "Ummm we were doing yoga! It hurts when he stretches me really far and I sometimes a grunt." 6 year old: Can we do yoga with you? Commence me, sitting with my two kids, making moaning noises while I do downward dog to make it seem normal. They are going to be so screwed when they go to their first yoga class and they sound straight out of an amateur porn tape 🤦🏼♀️, she added.
It was apparently a video monitor but their activities were not visible because it was safely placed under the bed, clarified the mother. When asked by many why she didn't just come clean and tell her kids about the birds and the bees, she explained: I used to be a sex educator. My children are 4 and 6. There is certainly such thing as sex positivity, but age-appropriate. They know male and female anatomy - they do not need to know the intercourse for pleasure that comes with such anatomy at that age. The emotional capacity of most 4 or 6-year-olds could not process the information being given in a productive way. Developmentally, it will be about two years before I talk my 6-year-old about sexual mechanics unless he has a specific question before then. I’m banking on it not being burned in their memory since they’re so young and to them, it wasn’t life-altering. So yes, I lied, kind of. I definitely got into some yoga positions.
The Redditor also shared her approach to sex and sexuality when talking to young kids and also spoke about the importance of consent: *I always answer questions very factually. They’ve noticed girls don’t have penises so that’s where we started. “Boys have penises and testicles, girls have vulvas/vaginas”. They know girls have eggs and boys have sperm. We never discourage touching themselves. We just redirect to do it in private and to wash hands. But 4 and 6 are very young to begin talking about sex for pleasure. Their brains are only capable of processing so much. If my 6-year-old were to ask how the sperm met the egg, I may tell him. But I’d leave it at that and leave out the sex for fun details. It’s not anti-sex positivity - it’s giving information at a time that’s developmentally appropriate It’s also a great time to start (although it should be started as early as possible) to talk about consent. I breastfed my youngest for 18 months and he got in the habit of using my breasts for comfort. Every once in awhile when I’m snuggling with him before bed, he’ll put his hand down my shirt. I take it out and say, “I don’t like it when you do that. Please don’t touch my boobies (the only anatomical nickname we use). They are for milk for babies and toddlers, and you’re a big boy now.” But even non-sexual consent, like “your brother asked you not to hug him right now. Please respect that” will help reinforce sticking to boundaries and that it’s always non-negotiable.*