Apparently, his future mother-in-law was worried that the 9-year-old might not behave due to her condition and wanted her to be replaced.
It's tragic how some insensitive people are prejudiced against folks with disabilities and Redditor THROWAWAY7079371 had a firsthand experience of this ableism while planning his wedding. Taking to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" the 23-year-old explained how planning his wedding, which is supposed to happen this month, had been a nightmare. Apparently, the bride's mother "keeps stomping boundaries" and changing the plans that the bride and groom make themselves saying that she doesn't want the "decent" wedding to be ruined by their embarrassing mistakes. Providing some insight into his relationship with his future mother-in-law, he wrote: Her mom thinks I'm a kid she calls me "son" and it's so annoying and inappropriate. My fiancee is the youngest in the family and I'm the youngest son in law in the family that's why I got this nickname.
Calling him by a nickname, OP (Original Poster) didn't like or changing some of his wedding plans was still tolerable for the 23-year-old. But when his mother-in-law suggested he leaves out his little sister, who had mild cerebral palsy, from the flower girl parade, it enraged him. My fiancee and I already discussed and decided to have my 9-year-old sister be the flower girl. She has mild cerebral palsy but she's functioning and does good at school. She's had people make comments about her and she's very sensitive so she'd get upset because of these inconsiderate people's comments, he continued.
When he first told his sister that she was going to the flower girl, she was on cloud nine, and taking away this opportunity from her just seemed heartless. She got her dress and so far she's tried it on more than 5 times asking me when I'm going to have the wedding which is sweet, he shared. Soon he was devasted after his fiancee told her last week that there will be some changes in terms of menu/invitation cards "because her mom recommended other things instead of what we agreed on. According to her mom, I have no idea what a 'good decent wedding' look like and wanted to save us (herself) from 'embarrassment.'" The OP let this slide when his fiance urged him to go with the flow and not make a big fuss about small issues, however, asking her sister, not to a flower girl was a separate thing.
Apparently, his future mother-in-law was worried that the 9-year-old might not behave due to her condition and wanted her to be replaced by someone else during the ceremony. "To suggest that we picked the "wrong" girl to be the flower girl was the straw that broke the camel's back. She actually said she wasn't sure how my sister will behave at the wedding and that we shouldn't take chance and just pick her niece instead," wrote the angry groom. I told her no not gonna happen. Like I gave my parents and my sister my word. no way I'm going to make her upset and sad and let the niece take her place. My fiancee threw a fit and said I was overreacting. That my sister still gets to wear her dress but sit with the crowd instead of walking down the aisle. We been arguing over this the whole week and I'm now supposed to call her and say okay but I refused and I'm standing my ground and wanting my sister to be the flower girl despite what others say because this offends me and my family, concluded the post.
Providing an update on the matter, the groom explained: People say that we can have more than one flower girl but my mother in law doesn't think my sister should even be included as one. She wants her sitting like a guest the whole time thinking she might "misbehave" where in fact my sister isn't like that at all. She's well-behaved and smart even better than other kids. My fiancee seems to agree since she wants me to say yes. Other Reddit users didn't think the OP was wrong but warned he would be if he married the woman and did not speak up against his mother-in-law's unreasonable and heartless demands.
User Grafrant-Juggernaut wrote: NTA of course but PLEASE take this advice. This is a real deal breaker and the gf needs to understand the relationship ENDS if she continues her behaviour and her mother is not controlled. Your gf has announced publicly who she is- a horrible person- believe her. Why are you planning to share your life with this woman- answer honestly. Only you can decide if you can live with always being an outsider and a non factor in every decision- imagine your first child and being told by her and her mother "the rules" for being allowed to touch your own baby. Can you live like that? End it here before you destroy your future.