Comedian Michael Cruz Kayne lost his infant son, Fisher, when he was just 34 days old. After ten years, he opened about his loss in a now-viral tweet.
Ten years ago, comedian Michael Cruz Kayne lost his infant son, Fisher, but he never really talked about it except for his wife. Having enough of people tiptoeing around him whenever the topic was brought up, he decided to speak out to get rid of the isolation he has been feeling. In a 15-part Twitter thread, Kayne explains the significance of sharing one's grief. This isn’t really what Twitter is for, but ten years ago today my son died and I basically never talk about it with anyone other than my wife. It’s taken me ten years to realize that I want to talk about it all the time," began the father of two.
Kayne, who is a parent to identical twin son, Truman, and daughter, Willa, 7, told TODAY Parents that he wishes more and people would approach him with questions regarding his experience of losing a child. Most of the conversations we have about grieving are very very weird. Tragedy is still so taboo, even in the era of the overshare. It's all very *sorry for your loss* and tilted heads and cards with calligraphy on them and whispering. we're all on tiptoes all the time, continued Kayne's post.
Describing his misery as "a galaxy of emotions," the comedian noted that he left confused and frustrated after his son, Fisher passed away when he was just 34 days old. However, he also recalled laughing when the "funeral home handed us a receipt after our son's funeral that said 'thank you come again' at the bottom." Furthermore, he explained how, Grief is isolating, but not just because of the sadness. Also because the sadness is the only part about it that anyone knows. And that, Not a single person has ever been unkind about my son, but almost no one considers the fullness of his loss and how complicated and weird and everything else it was and continues to be.
He also revealed how people share stories about trauma but never leave any space to talk about anything outside the unfortunate event. Providing an example, he continued how his amazing wife went on to become a pediatric intensive care nurse because of their son. Can you believe it? Being around sick and dying children all day? Healing/caring for them? She does that because of my son, wrote, adding, I bet you have a friend with a sad story [who] also wants to share the not sad parts. After speaking to other grievers, Kayne came to this realization and wrote, Almost no one considers the fullness of his loss and how complicated and weird and everything else it was and continues to be. Having just recently started talking to other grievers, I know many of them feel the same.
if you are grieving, you are not alone.— MCK (@CruzKayne) 19 November 2019
"Everyone is different, but I like when people ask more than one question about Fisher," Kayne said during an interview with the outlet. "A lot of people will ask one question and then try to move past it, because the answer is uncomfortable. I get that. But when they ask a second question, I know, ‘OK. We’re really gonna talk about this.'" Concluding his post, the father wrote, Ask your friend about the sad thing that you never talk about, and be open to the depth of that experience. One day, and I mean this without grimness or condescension, everyone you know will be dead. It will help us if we talk about it. or anyway it is helping me. If you are grieving, you are not alone.