The father has an elder teen son as well but thinks it's okay for his daughter to do extra work and not him.
An infuriating story made it's way to Reddit recently, which proved that fairness is a rare commodity to be found not only in the world but also at home. The poster was a 50-year-old widowed father who had been living with his 17-year-old son and 15-year old daughter. Taking to Reddit's famous sub-thread 'Am I the A**h**e,' the dad asked if he was wrong to ask his teen daughter to do chores in exchange for pads and tampons that she needs every month. He begins by explaining that a few members of his family called him out for making his daughter, who he refers to as 'E,' do extra work and not his son, but this ignorant man had an explanation for it.
I explained it’s because I have to spend extra on my daughter each month not only for her extracurriculars, but for her monthly supplies, so it‘s my way of having her pay me back. She cleans the shared living spaces and bathrooms in our apartment and cooks four meals a week, the OP wrote adding that his brother pointed out that he spends "twice as much on my son's extracurricular and by my logic, he should have to do chores too." However, all logic seemed to fail the father who had yet another explanation for the same.
I explained he didn’t because I feel his could help him get into college but hers were just a hobby in my opinion, he wrote. His teen daughter happened to overhear this conversation and was understandably left quite upset. Realizing the motive behind her father's actions, she began refusing the assigned chores saying that it was unfair for her to work for the most basic supplies any girl her age would need while her brother is asked to do nothing at all. I told her she’d still be doing her chores and life isn’t fair so stop being a brat, or I’d refuse to pay for her extracurricular stuff or pads. I wouldn’t actually do that, but I was mad when I said it, he shared.
This was possibly the last straw for the girl. She packed a bag and took off. She’s been staying with my sister who called me an abusive asshole when I demanded she send E home. My brother and sister are coddling her and I’m furious. N said I was being an asshole to E and that’s why she left. I’m completely fed up with the whole thing. AITA for expecting her to do chores? he asked.
Here's what other Redditors had to say:
YTA. Not for expecting your child(ren) to pitch in around the house, but for the sexism and the godawful manner you've approached this with. Withholding pads from a teenage girl as punishment? What? Expecting your son will go to college, but basically writing her off? The 50s called, they don't want you either, wrote one user. Another noted, Ha yeah, I don’t know what I was hoping for, but that is what I was expecting. I’m also quite shocked that, aside from the obvious mistreatment of his daughter, he is also failing his son by not instilling in him the skills he will need to survive once he has moved out. If the son doesn’t have to do any chores, he will not know how to cook/clean/do laundry etc etc. When the kid moves out, he will need to learn all that from scratch, at the expense of his future roommates.
He’s really combing with a fine-toothed comb to justify treating his daughter like an indentured servant. He’s “pink taxing” her existence. Threatening to compromise her basic sanitary needs is beyond atrocious and dehumanizing. Lack of access to sanitary products for menstruation is literally a matter of human rights - and ensuring your children have their basic needs taken care of is basic parenting.
Furthermore, minimum wage is $7.25. A big box of tampons (40) usually lasts me 2 periods and costs $7.99 at Target. Deep cleaning a bathroom - scrubbing toilets, tubs, etc., takes 45 minutes for me. She should invoice him for every penny of the HOURS of additional chores for $5/month. Thousands upon thousands of dollars.
A dance/choir scholarship is also actually significantly more likely than a sports scholarship. Colleges look for well-rounded applicants. The fact that he spends HALF OF what he spends on his son for a 6.5% chance that he’ll get a scholarship for it is rolling a very sexist dice. What happens when E gets the scholarship, and N doesn’t? Will he be cutting her a check for her indentured servanthood, of offering more advice like “life’s not fair, and I don’t really love you.”
Furthermore, he’s doing no favors for N, who now has no life skills. Everyone should know how to cook. Everyone should know how to clean. Now he’s also going to be dumping this lack of life skills onto his son’s future partners.
The worst part about all of this is that what he’s taught his daughter is that love from men is transactional - and she should expect to be treated with contempt and blatant disrespect for the basic functions of her body, that she should be devalued for her passions.
Oh and by the way, OP: I’m an only child, a daughter. On our monthlies, my dad would give me & my mom our favorite chocolate bars, and in my case, $20 just because “when my girl isn’t feeling well, she should buy something for herself to feel better.” I’d get face masks and other cute little things, and it was so nice. I’m in my 30s now, and my parents and I are so close. If anything happened to either of my parents, they’d have a room in our home. I don’t go a day without hearing my beloved father’s voice.
I hope your daughter never comes home, and if she even chooses to keep you in her life down the line, she charges you for every thing you need as you age. “Oh dad, you need a biopsy? That’ll be $50 - $10 for gas and $20/hour for having to wait with you!”
Shame on you, OP. This is among the worst things I’ve ever read. Shame on you.
After being called out for is biased and "sexist" nature, the father concluded the post with an update. My son plays Football and Baseball while you daughter is in choir and a dance group, so yes I do think my son has a better chance at getting a scholarship. I’m not sexist and I don’t appreciate being called one, and for those of you messaging me saying you hope someone calls CPS on me, I’m not doing anything wrong so that’s just stupid, he wrote. It's really sad to see how the man failed to look past his sexism despite Redditors explicitly explaining it.
OP: *does a ton of incredibly sexist sh!t*— Kimberly Anne (@QuirKAnneSnark) October 5, 2020
Also OP: i’M nOt SeXiSt HoW dArE yOu! I just think my son’s hobbies are inherently more valuable so he should freeload off us while my daughter does girly stuff like sing, dance, and by extension of logic, all domestic chores.