A Facebook user and mom, Ashlee Allen Feegan shared a post revealing the damaging patriarchal messages the Church is teaching the girls.
An invitation to a so-called "First Dance" has gone viral for its questionable instructions that require girls to follow the desired dress code that doesn't make boys "uncomfortable." Posting the picture of this advertisement, Facebook user Ashlee Allen Feegan wrote: Nope NOPE NOOOOO! not happening with my daughter!!👎During an interview with Scary Mommy, Feegan revealed how her friend's 14-year-old daughter came home with this "First Dance Kit" from her Mormon church’s youth group. Revealing the damaging patriarchal facts the Chruch is teaching girls, Feegan disapprovingly uploaded the picture on a group containing former members of the Mormon Church.
Feegan highlighted two portions of the handout before sharing it online. The first part was about reminding girls of adhering to the accepted "dress code" while pinpointing the significance of being cautious of one's clothing choice just so it doesn't make any boy present at the event "uncomfortable." It reads: "Don’t forget what the approved dress standards are when choosing your outfit. You don’t want the embarrassment of being asked to go home and change. And you don’t want the guy dancing with you to feel uncomfortable because of the questionable outfit that you somehow justified."
First of all, I agree with Feegan when she said, "No." Why can't people stop focusing on what a girl should or should not wear and instead teach boys to be more respectful towards girls? How come a simple thing like this is so hard for schools and church leaders to understand even to this day? Am I really living in 2019, or are these people still stuck in an imaginary past? Now, if you think this was bad enough, then wait till you read the next highlighted part which is printed in BOLD. It's sure to make your blood boil with anger. "Never say ‘NO’ to a guy who had the courage to walk over and ask you to dance in the first place. (a song lasts approximately 3 minutes, it's not THAT bad)," it reads.
So, rather than teaching boys how to deal with rejection the Church wants girls to feed their fragile male ego? What the actual hell is this? Every individual, irrespective of their gender has the right to make their own choices no matter how trivial the situation is. If she doesn't want to dance, she won't end of discussion. Oh, let's not forget about the dress code. So, if a girl wears something she likes and it makes a boy uncomfortable, she will be asked to change, right? My question is, 'Why?' Why is it okay to hurt a little girl for her choice of clothing but not a boy who has conjured the courage to ask a girl for a dance? How is the latter more disconcerting than the former?
Moving on, there was another portion in the notice which actually cautions girls from speaking too much to their "girlfriends" as it might dissuade him from walking up to them. "Go with a friend but don't be joined at the hip," reads the dance kit. "No guy is going to interrupt the highly intense conversation that you seem to be having with your girlfriend every time he walks by you." Also, there a reminder for young girls to "paint your nails” and "wear a little lip gloss." Oh, and to brush their teeth. Really?
Explaining the reason behind sharing this post, Feegan told the outlet that she was motivated by the "purity culture that resides within the LDS [Latter-day Saints] church." And just to make it clear, there nothing "pure" about making a woman conform to rules in order to satiate a man's sexual impulses. Appalled by this notice, Facebook user Candice Nance Davis wrote: This is what rape culture looks like. Another ser, Amberlee Michele Evans OBrien wrote: Wow let’s not teach girls and boys that rejection is a part of life! And “embarrassment of being sent home from your outfit somehow justified?” What does that even mean? Everything about that sentence is a prejudgment and judgement. And basically saying that women would make the man uncomfortable? Wtf. Ya um no. Kim Mayer wrote: How can a parent be so brainwashed to not even stop and read how scary and demeaning these words are. These girls are taught early that they are not as important as men, their bodies are what is important, and they have no free will. Parents need to wake up and pull their head out of the sand....... This is awful!