A man is getting married soon, but his brother, who is gay, wants to bring his boyfriend along to the wedding. Is he wrong to tell him not to?
In life, we are faced with tough choices, and some of them swing between standing up for ourself and pleasing others. This dilemma has created quite a lot of problems, and now a groom-to-be is facing a similar situation. He's getting married in a week to the love of his life, and he wants his friends and family to bear witness to the holy matrimony.
The only problem is that his brother is homosexual and that's something only he and his parents know about. Since he comes from a traditional family, he doesn't know how well the older generation of the family will take to the situation.
He took to Reddit to share his story under the thread r/AmITheAsshole which has about 1.2 million followers. The user u/macacaralho wrote: I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century’s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/siblings are open-minded and are living in the present. So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I’m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it’s kind of a secret, as he hasn’t told my family he is gay.
He wrote about how he's been asking his brother to come out because he knows the situation stresses him out a lot, and also because he feels that a few family members already know that his brother is gay.
But he disagrees cause he knows a part of the family won’t accept it and it will be a lot of drama. I see the opposite, I see it as the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner we can cut them from our lives. I have no interest in having someone in my life that doesn’t accept my brother being gay.
But, since it was his brother's decision, he decided not to say anything. Well, this was before he said he wanted to bring his boyfriend to the wedding.
If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don’t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don’t want to get the attention away from my fiancée, that’s her day. And I dont wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it’s a pretty good reason.
Obviously, the groom-to-be did not expect it, so he was a bit shocked. I asked him why my wedding day, he said it’s because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend. This is killing me. I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can’t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future. He hasn't even told her, because he knows she's stressed and he doesn't want to make it worse for her.
He had to make a decision and he told his brother he'd rather have him come alone. With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything. Next day I got a text and he said: “dont worry, going alone”. I tried calling him but he didn't answer me, and my parents don’t seem to know what’s happening because they didn’t say anything. He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us.
He gave an update, saying that he spoke to his fiancée because he couldn't keep this from her any longer and that she completely agreed with him. I know it won’t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn’t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding. I don’t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother.
He added that he's always going to support his brother's decision to come out, and even if it's at the wedding he's going to defend his brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother’s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all. The whole thing could have ended badly if his brother decided not to agree to this, but thankfully it did not get to that level.