A lot of things were left unsaid and this is my way of letting you know just how special and important you were to me.
It's been six months since I said goodbye to you but it still feels like yesterday. Even though the speech I gave at your memorial was about me moving forward with my life keeping your words of guidance in my mind, I still can't bring myself to let go of you. You meant the world to me and I hope you knew that.
Everywhere I go, everything I see, reminds me of you in some way or the other. How can I let go of the person with whom I shared every sorrow and celebrated every victory? No matter how many achievements I attain from now on, none of them will be as special as the time when I had you, my best friend, by my side.
Despite having troubles of your own, not once did you hesitate in putting my needs first. With immense patience, you guided me and made me the person I am today and nothing can change this fact. Every memory I have of my childhood is laced with your presence. The warmth of your smile every morning, your sudden outburst of laughter when I did something epically stupid, and of course, your powerful embrace that would heal all my pain, I remember it all. And it haunts me day and night that I will never be able to experience those moments ever again.
I know how difficult I was in my teenage years. I remember arguing with you relentlessly only to later realize that you were right all along. You were the person I would always go running to when I had to share those things that were bugging me. And somehow you would always know just the right thing to say. You managed to calm me down even when to me it felt like my life was over. Who do I run to now?
I regret not telling you how much I love you every day. The times I missed your phone calls and prioritized my work over meeting you, I regret it all. Even towards the end of your life, I wish I had spent some more time with you. It was all so sudden, but that's life, I guess. Every day I stare at this gaping hole you left behind in my life. If only you were here to console me, once again.
Now I have so many questions, but no one to answer them. I keep asking myself, "Is she watching over me?" Are you mom? Every day I beg for some kind of a sign that you're still around. Even the thought of living in a world without you devastates me. But I find the strength to go on knowing that you wouldn't want to see me in this state. I'm grateful for the countless hours of work you put in into making my life better. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me. My dear mom, my best friend, I miss you every day.