Impressions on the first date will give you an idea of how the person is. But what if the person he is, is completely different from what you expected?
No matter how many dates you go on, there's nothing like the first impression on a date. You have to make a good impression and you know you’re going in with a few expectations of your own. You expect him to listen to you, share some of his stories with you, make you laugh and basically make you feel good. But what if your date is not how you imagined him to be. In fact, he’s the exact opposite of what you thought he’d be like. And if that’s not bad enough, he makes you feel worse about yourself. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt but man! He makes it so hard.
Here are 8 things your date does that indicates he’s a toxic person and that you should probably skip out on a second date, third date and all contact with him.
It may be the fanciest of restaurants but it is his attitude that speaks more. Watch how he treats the servers when they're waiting on you. If he talks to them in a condescending or a dismissive way, you’d better watch out. He’s likely to treat you the same way, more so when it comes to your opinions.
If you happen to say you like an actor like George Clooney, he’ll most likely tell you that Clooney has no emotional range or if your musical taste leans toward classical, he'll probably liken it to a cat wailing. Anything you have an opinion about will elicit a comment from him dismissing it.
If there's one thing a narcissist absolutely loves, it's bragging. Once he starts listing his achievements, trying to get him to stop is like trying to get a roller-coaster to stop midway – you can do it, but be prepared for the fall-out.
A narcissist will always hold himself to higher importance than everyone else, and will perhaps even feel the need to make sure you know how amazing he is by telling you every little thing he’s ever done, from helping a person cross the road to having the ability to turn a business deal around because of his quick thinking. They often have very little interests in the achievements and ideas of others, and will not shy away from making it apparent.
He has found a way to perfect the art of blaming others and never managing to take responsibility for himself. If he says that he didn’t get the promotion, he will tell you that it’s because his boss fears his intelligence (feels a bit over-done, doesn’t it?). If he dumped his girlfriend (a. bad idea to bring up an ex on his first date with you and b. it’s more likely that she dumped him), it was because she was too clingy or had less than average intelligence. At least his creativity is running smoothly.
Our parents have always taught us ‘If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it at all.’ Guess he didn’t get the memo because he is negative about everything. You could say the sun is shining and he will say that it’s too hot. You could say that you once met a famous person and he will tell you that they wouldn’t even remember you. You could even say that the glass on your table is half-full and he will tell you that it’s half empty but won’t bother to get it refilled. If he can counter every positive comment you have with a negative one, you’re dealing with a toxic person.
Don’t you just love being interrupted? Oh wait, you don’t? Well, then you’re in for a shock because he loves it. Your date is going to be filled with your half-finished stories and too many of his stories. It goes to show he’s a really bad listener. He knows you’re telling a story but all he’s doing is waiting for a chance to put his in there, even if he has to cut you off to do it. It’s better if you just sip on your drink and listen since you know you’re not coming back for another round of Wheel of Interruptions. You can enjoy it by having your own internal commentary running.
If you thought Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsey were judgmental, you’ve got another think coming. If your date has some comment or the other to make – like on someone's footwear or comments on a guy’s hairstyle, then while it might make you giggle for a minute, you’ll see that it will get progressively worse and meaner. If he’s doing this now, he’s going to do it to you later. No one is spared.
Did you just have a point that disagrees with his viewpoint? Oh my! The blasphemy! A narcissist doesn’t know how to take no for an answer so most probably you having an idea that doesn’t suit his arguments will offend him greatly.
After that one of three things will happen. A) He’ll completely shut down on you, b) He’ll try to argue his point until you just agree with him or c) He will change the topic but not before subtly (or maybe not so subtly) putting you down. My way or the highway attitude is almost synonymous with narcissism.
This is the last straw and your warning signal for you to get out before you fall into a relationship with him. If at any point during the date, he makes you feel sorry for being you, then his toxicity will kill your well-earned confidence. The way he portrays himself will make you either feel like you’re not good enough for him or feel like you have to apologize for being a certain way and doing certain things. He’s got a need to make you feel lower than him and that is what boosts his ego.
These are some of the most obvious points that you can pick out on the first date. But if you see all of these then chances are there are more underlying problems that could turn your relationship into a toxic hole or even cause you to lose the parts of you that make YOU.