Narcissistic partners will kill your social life and sense of personal identity. Taking the decision to leave them will make your life take a turn for the better.
Being in a relationship is a lot of hard work but being in a relationship with a narcissist is like getting a lot of work and then just going to take a nap – just the thought of it is exhausting. You not only have to deal with their never-ending self-praise but also with the fact that you haven’t felt like you for a long time. It’s like with every time you catered to them, you lost a major part of yourself and when they made you constantly doubt yourself, you just felt like a puppet in their hands. So you left and the freedom is just coming at you full force.
Here’s how your life will change now that you’ve broken up with them.
No more having to deal with their attention-seeking. You are now free to pursue your own interests and dreams. You don’t have to worry about constantly having to notice things about them and praising them. It seemed like during your relationship, all you ever did was sit and praise them for every little change they made – you honestly felt more like a fan than a partner. Then you'd have to deal with their temper tantrums all the time when someone wouldn't appreciate their new belt or the Rolex that he bought. You'd get to know about the price of the watch before you'd get to know their names.
Now, the only person you have to praise is yourself and be your own fan. You'll never have to think about the consequences of not responding to their taunts or their need for attention.
Your emotional balance was non-existent when you were with them. They only ever cared about their own feelings and yours were just dismissed without even a word. The worst part was they’d make you feel guilty for feeling the way you did even though you had no reason to. The fact they would always want to control you chafed against your need for your personal identity. They'd play manipulative games with you and when the time came, they would ditch you for something that they wanted to do.
Now, you have the time to care for yourself and restore that emotional and mental balance. Go for a spa day or take a long drive somewhere peaceful for a little bit of soul-gathering. You can even go with a friend who was there before your ex came into your life and will be there long after you've broken up with them.
Once you’re away from them, you know the signs to look for so that you don’t end up falling into the same trap as before. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and there’s one for you that will treat you like the human being you are.
You can go out and look for a fresh start with someone whose interests match yours and who actually cares about your feelings; someone who will actually willingly cook for you after a long day at work or set up a nice romantic date so that you can release and share some of your tension. You can look for that someone who’s reliable and who has the potential to be a permanent fixture in your life.
You were just walking on eggshells around them. One word and they could come up with a litany of insults, threats, and pleas. You had to constantly watch what you said because you never knew when it could also be used against you. You never had the opportunity to say what you really felt because you thought it might hurt their feelings (God forbid you ever did that).
But now, you’re free now so you can start talking freely and behaving more like you again. You don’t have to filter yourself anymore and you can speak to your heart’s content.
They could really make you second-guess yourself a lot. Whether it came to decisions or even choices of clothes, they could make you feel like you didn’t know what you were doing. Then they would use the phrase "I only want what is best for you" like it nullified every subtle or backhanded comment they made. They never missed an opportunity to jab you where it hurt the most.
Now, since you’ve broken up with them, you have the freedom to make your own choices without being told what to do and whether it was truly right for you. You know what you need and what is best for you, so you can go right for it.
They could always make you feel guilty or turn any situation on its head by making it seem like you were the one who made a big deal out of it. You never knew what was real and what was not but since you were dating them, you had an obligation to give them the benefit of the doubt. You’ve been released from those shackles now and you can gain your own sense of reality.
You can finally make out the real truth out of all the lies and smoke that your narcissistic ex loved to manipulate you with and feel relieved that you are out of that bubble of toxicity.
You know what it’s like to deal with the self-doubt and guilt that you’re riddled with when you were with them so you have the knowledge and the ability to help others who are in the same boat. You can help guide them when they don’t have the courage to break out of that relationship.
By sharing your experiences, you can give others a safe platform to share their problems and grief as well. Also, sharing your coping methods and achievements that you have after having broken away from the narcissistic love cycle could give others the courage or the strength to leave their narcissistic partners as well because you have just taught them that they deserve better.
Leaving your partner, narcissistic or not, is a hard decision to make. But you know that it’s important for your mental health and well-being to leave them so that you can find the person you are and rediscover yourself. You are not a puppet to anybody, not now and not ever.