Some consider their moms to be their best friends, however, there are those unlucky ones who keep craving their mother's love and attention only to be subjected to pain.
While some women regard their mothers as a support system who shower them with unconditional love, not everyone has the same experience. Some daughters, unfortunately, have maternal figures who are nothing but negligent, narcissistic, abusive, and unkind. Such horrible experiences often scar a child for life.
The toxicity that they are forced to deal with since childhood, not only strains their relationship but it also impacts their self-esteem and confidence considerably. And this is exactly what author Peg Streep, expresses in her book Mean Mothers, which explains how young girls form their own identity after witnessing the image of their own mothers.
Psychology includes a majority of childhood issues which can in turn cause issues like, poor self-image, anxiety, and attachment/relationship troubles during their adult life. However, it doesn't articulate much about the wounds daughters are inflicted due to their unloving mothers, according to Psychology Today. Keeping the lack of information regarding this topic in mind, Streep attempts to highlight how daughter with loving mothers are much more confident and self-loving as compared to the others.
Daughters who have distant, cruel, and abusive mothers often end up feeling unworthy and if you're someone who can relate to this, then I'm sure you can understand the pain one has to endure while dealing with such a mother. The scars inflicted on you since childhood takes the form of self-doubt and it often says:
Seeing other mothers encourage and praise their daughters you might have wondered why it isn't the same with yours. She never overlooked any opportunity to criticize you no matter how hard you worked at being the best version of yourself.
As you grow up, the constant scrutiny becomes a voice in your head which prevents you from seeing past your vulnerabilities. Eventually, you begin considering the fact that maybe you were the problem and that's why none of your relationships seem to work now.
More confident? More intelligent? Thinner? Enough? You cannot help but compete with your cousin that your mother prefers over you. It's not something that you wished to do, but it was your mother who constantly kept comparing you with others and making you feel smaller than ever.
The love and attention that you craved were never provided by your mother who kept manipulating and abusing you. She seized your peace and contentment, leaving you lost and confused all the time.
That's why you don't really know if you do belong with people you're surrounded with. Even as an adult, you cannot help but feel like an anchorless boat, left to drift aimlessly in the abyss of the sea.
Constantly trying to win over your mother's approval or even the slightest amount of affection from her, you have been catering to her needs with any hesitation. Now, as a result, your ability to so no to anyone is impaired.
You're scared that if you deny something to someone, the relationship will soon crumble and lose its essence just like it did with your mom. So, even if you don't like something you do it anyway just so they won't leave you and withdraw their love.
Everyone turns to their mother for emotional support and love during tough times. Even a small gesture like holding one's hand is enough to make them feel loved and cared for.
Unfortunately, your mother was always cold and apathetic toward your pain. No matter how hard you tried to get her to adore you, it all ended up in a broken heart at slowly ripped your soul apart.
At a certain point, you think, 'How can someone love me if my own mother couldn't?' She considered you to be a burden who's not worthy of her time. With all these negative thoughts weighing you down, you still managed to pull yourself together by collecting what was left of your confidence.
It probably meant you had to build a wall around to keep others from hurting your feeling just like she did. You still believe in giving others love because you don't want others to feel the way you did growing up.
Give yourself some love because you were able to make it through the darkest of times. Despite being battered down with taunts and criticism, you managed to make yourself strong while other unloved daughters couldn't.
So, you're definitely worth everything! All you need is some time to find the right person for yourself and things will start falling into place. Try opening up to someone about the pain that has been festering within you. You never know, you could be the rock for someone else. This might just free you from the shackles holding you behind. You deserve to be happy.