This cuddly penis water bottle will keep you warm when the days gets colder.
It's still hot water bottle season in some places, so we thought we'll bring you one that's been doing the rounds on the internet for quite some time. Sure, there are some cute ones out there, shaped like a bunny or a teddy bear. But, what if you not much of an animal lover? What if your likes are more phallic in nature? This hot water bottle is just the thing for you. Available in salmon color, this rubber schlong is being dubbed "perfect for spooning or tucking down your pants." Besides being the "naughtiest way to keep warm", the bottle is also described as the "ironic way to soothe period cramps". The product, although unavailable at the moment, can be purchased when available for a little over $19 dollars. Even the description of the product proudly owns up to its phallic inspiration, and it riddled with innuendos which adds to the comedic value.
"Chilly at night? Not got a hunk to keep your bed warm? We feel ya. Shiver no more, frigid friend. This hot water bottle will keep you willy toasty even in the coldest of temperatures," Firebox describes the product. "He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill him up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot dick. He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy. Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems."
As to the dimensions, the hot water bottle is 60 cm in height, 40 cm in width, and almost 4 cm in diameter, and it's certainly large enough to double as a warm cuddle pillow if you feel like it. In case you aren't already floored by its charms, here are a few reviews to convince you to take the plunge. "Good size was bigger than expected - five stars," one incredibly happy customer wrote according to ZMOnline. "What's not to love - it's a hot water bottle shaped like a penis and guaranteed to bring a smile to your face on a very cold night!" added another, vouching for the large product wholeheartedly. On Twitter, people responded in awe about the hot water bottle. "Would certainly humble me," wrote one user. "It’s gonna be cold in the morning," opined another.
In case you are looking for another partner to keep you company in the cold, check out Pierre the Penis Body Pillow, which is available in different sizes for those who feel size does matter. Called the Jumbo Pierre, this is the biggest penis appendage on offer on Firebox. A description reads: "You weren’t satisfied with regular Pierre. Even Giant Pierre wasn’t enough. And it’s not even worth mentioning the World’s, Smallest Pierre. You like it large, we get that. So we’ve supersized everyone’s favorite adorable penis just to suit you. Only he’s not so adorable anymore. Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft. Quite possibly the biggest d*ck in the world, jumbo Pierre will keep you warm on long lonely nights for as long as you need him."