Lisa Pontius, who used to be a private chef in New York, argued in a video that parents are wrong for guilting their kids into thinking they owe it to them to have a certain kind of relationship as adults.
"Whatever I am today, it's because of my parents. I owe them everything." How many times have you heard someone say this about their parents? Numerous times surely. Most people consider the relationship with their parents to be the most important and closest one they have in their lives. But have you ever wondered if these relationships are rooted in the genuine feeling of respect and love or if it's a result of guilt for being care for by them as a child? These are the questions a TikTok mother is asking everyone and boy has it created a buzz.
Lisa Pontius is asking everyone to reconsider the relationships they have with their parents. She even went on to declare that kids, "Don't owe their parents" anything. By saying so she is probably targetting authoritarian parents who may have held their obedient kids back from leading a full and independent life even when they became adults. Pontius, who used to be a private chef in New York, argued in a video that parents are wrong for guilting their kids into thinking they owe it to them to have a certain kind of relationship as adults.
The mother of two, who moved to South Carolina with her husband to become a full-time stay-at-home mother, expressed her controversial views after discussing the importance of setting boundaries with her own folks in a previous video. "Here's what's going to piss people off — children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship. And depending on the parent they might not owe them respect either, because that is reciprocal," she said in the video which was viewed of five million times.
According to Pontius, parents should not be expecting anything in return for taking care of their kids because it's a part of a job they chose. "You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults," she continued. To be a healthy adult one needs to reconsider their relationship with their parents, noted the mom. In the same way, children should not feel they owe anything to their parents for raising them because that' what "parenting" is and they "signed up for" it.
Apart from this, she also believes that emotionally healthy parents should not have worry about their relationship with their adult children too much. "Honestly, if you're raising your kids well and you're an emotionally mature person, you don't want them to blindly just accept things that are not good for them," she explained. As bitter as it sounds, it's the truth- no one chooses to be born or gets a say in how or where they are raised. Thus, one just do things for them because feel they are indebted to their parents but do it because they love them with all their heart. Remember love cannot be forced.
Speaking to BuzzFeed, Pontius explained that it is all about setting appropriate boundaries. "Boundaries can be small things, like asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors to not kiss your new baby. There can also be bigger boundaries, but the goal is the ability to maintain a relationship that doesn't compromise your mental health or happiness," she expressed. Pontius also noted that she and her husband love raising their own kids but believe "they don't owe me anything once they're grown just because I birthed them. Hopefully by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that's not a guarantee."